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Awesomeness. Another school thing.
mortartion
Nobody is quite as awesome as I am.*  In fact, I just might be the most awesome person on the planet.  I think I can fill up an entire book with descriptions of how awesome I am.  But that kind of awesome packed into just some pieces of paper would spontaneously combust, because that level of awesomeness cannot be contained.  So beware, your computer monitor might burst into flames as you read this.

Awesomeness is a hard word to pin down.  Dictionary.com defines "awesomeness" as "inspiring awe."  But then again, Dictionary.com has no entry for "Chuck Norris."  Therefore, Dicitonary.com knows NOTHING.  I, however, define awesomeness as "being incredibly cool, attractive, talented, and having good taste, all rolled into one smooth six foot one package."  For an example of how awesome I am, a particular two-year old in my house was giving me some lip.  I opened up the oven, and put a cookie inside.  The two-year-old, not having my ridiculously awesome perceptive skills, could not see this as an obvious trap, and promptyl entered the oven.  The only thing seperating me from a quant veal dinner that evening was a sudden outbreak of well-being for my fellow man, showing the humanitarian in me, and we all know that humanitarians get all the chicks, and getting chicks is awesome.  Perfect fit for me!  

This little ditty also explores my ludicrously awesome taste in food.  Children are awesome to eat because they've only known the good life.  They get toys, naps, whatever they want!  There's no stress to make the meat stringy, and besides, you're taking away from world hunger in two ways-there's one less mouth to feed, and you're less hungry when ythe baby'sdone cookin'!  Such an awesome idea could only be thought of someone as awesome as me.  So what are you waiting for?  Start bowing!

*If you read closely in this essay, you'll also note my simply ridiculous powers of sarcasm, sublety, hyperbole, and slight, slight exaggeration.


 


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